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The grasp of addiction

November 8, 2012 1:08 pm Published by Leave your thoughts

This post was written by Ventura County high school student.

Sadness

Depression, utter sadness, many find difficult to deal with. Many adults suffer from this, but it seems most teens go through a depressed phase and don’t have any proper way to cope. Some find healthy ways to escape, while many others starve, cut, fight, or do drugs to release their pain. It seems to me that these ways to escape just escalate the problem — they do it more and more, never finding a way out. Eventually their solution to their stress is just another problem, and they simply never find a proper solution.

Many people I know, including close friends, have coped by using drugs, trying to smoke their problems away, a pack after another pack, a bowl after another bowl — the cycle won’t really end. Dependency on it will just get worse.

I had this problem with adrenaline. It started by making dangerous bike runs around town late at night always was a simple thrill; whatever I was bringing with me just added to the excitement. Dancing and giving light shows, being hyper, pure energy, movement, forgetting it all, and enjoying it all right there.

It was what I craved, all I desired — even now, those feelings haven’t left me. Biking, skating, kayaking — nothing can compare to that rush I felt than.

Seven months later, it’s what I want most.  More than almost anything I else, I want those feelings back, it’s something that made me feel alive, but I no longer get the same rush from anything, not even close. I miss the lights and dancing the feelings it brought, the freedom and happiness I had.

I feel bad at the lack of genuine appreciation I feel for most things, I feel bad for my girlfriend. I feel like I came to the conclusion that if I can’t keep myself happy, I should at least keep her happy, maybe that can redeem me for all of my mistakes. I try to be polite about it all but it never feels right to me — those old times and those experiences made me feel alive, made me who I am.

I sit here on my bed wondering, did that life just steal that piece of me forever, will I feel that happiness it took again? I do not know how much this relates to everyone else, but I feel like many other people have found a similar dependency, only feeling “right” when they are intoxicated, or starved, or bloody from a brawl.

Everyone has a way to cope — don’t find one that will ruin you.