Engaging young people in advocacy, education & prevention
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How do I want to be?

November 10, 2014 1:32 pm Published by Comments Off on How do I want to be?

The author is 22 and lives in Ventura.

Realizing who I am…
Remembering who I used to be;
Looking myself on the mirror and
Wanting to be different from what I am,
But different means to become
Better as a person in a good manner,
With myself, with others and within my soul.
Mostly selfishness is inside us,
What makes us think we don’t need others?
That we can do anything by ourselves?
Pride or selfishness or maybe both.
It’s like an ego, that won’t go away
Until you give up from being that person that you used to be,
To change to who you really are and to value what you have.
But you don’t realize until you live it.

Imagine every day waking up;
Doing what you like to do,
Play guitar, piano, dance, play,
Smoke, etc.
You won’t stop doing it the whole day;
Because you want to become better,
So you do it the whole day until the night,
You keep doing the same the next day, and the next day,
That even if somebody like your parents, sisters, friends, brothers,
Tell you that you’re not good at it you will continue doing it.
Even if they hurt you with what they say,
You will continue doing it; to prove that you can be better.

So the years pass; do you continue doing what you do?
Of course for me the limits of doing something I want,
Don’t exist, you can break limits;
So I kept on doing the same…
After doing the same for several years…
You think what do I want to be?
How do I want to be?
What I want to do?
It’s like if you wake up from a dream but it’s real…
Ok you want to be an artist or musician…
What kind of artist or musician do you want to be?
Do you want to become those kinds of artists that
Just want to be them the whole time;
With their hits and lyrics that have nonsense this days?
Do you want fame and just be you not helping others?
Do you want to be alone?
Do you want to be rich; or millionaire have money?

Who am I?
Well first of all let me tell you one thing;
The important thing you need to concentrate in;
Is seeing yourself and knowing who and how you are;
If you want to be someone different from what you are;
First you have to work inside you which is the hard part;
You have to see what you never saw,
And accept what you never wanted….
How are you going to be better by doing the same every day?
If you keep on being the same person from inside, that’s where I ask

Who are you?
Accept yourself and see what you have…
So I started waking up but how?
Realizing that you have to change yourself to be a better person,
Not only with you but with others, even if they don’t do something,
For you don’t expect nothing, just keep on doing what you do,
Every day; with every piece of your life, because that is why we are here…

I’m the oldest son in my family;
My parents got divorced when I was a child;
I was born in Ventura the city where I am;
I was raised in Mexico Michoacán, in a small
town called Tlazazalca, with my grandparents,
I thank them for all they did for me on those moments…
This is just a small introduction or biography.

So I moved out to Ventura California at the age of 21 and of course
Still keep doing what I do…
So as you imagine I’ve always had family problems…
Of course I know I’m not the only one…

One day I escaped from home;
Or I could say I just went out from my mom’s actual house;
I did a wrong decision; sometimes mom can be a little hard,
Almost always she has a bad mood; but probably it’s because
she has a lot responsibilities as a mother…

So I passed the night on the streets.
It wasn’t a very good experience; it was only me with my suitcase trying to survive
anywhere. So I went out from home because we were arguing, well mom didn’t wanted to hear what I said;
Hey mom that’s what sons and fathers are for to talk to each other to communicate,
so she went into her room
and shut the door, maybe she was stressed I tried to be calm I went out the house…

My little brothers saw it all and I just couldn’t stop thinking on that scene all night…
So my uncle new about this and he picked me up so I stayed on his house that night and the next two days…
I was thinking on moving there or going back home.
I thought what I did was wrong…

Why I am the older brother and that
I didn’t wanted to be who I was anymore,
I realized that I wanted to be better;
Strong, flexible and I want to be there for my brothers, sisters, and mom.
Because even though I’m the oldest that is my job and duty in life;
To protect; I want to make something for me to make something for others.
Do the same you do every day,
Even if you get hurt;
That’s the hard way of life,
That’s never giving up and do what you like to do.