Tears don’t always mean you’re upset. They’re not always signs of giving up. The tears that pour from my misty eyes could be hope; Hoping that maybe, just maybe, one day you’ll stop.
Hope isn’t just faith waiting and praying until the day. It’s not just encouragement to the brightest extent. Every day hope appears. But, it doesn’t mean that I don’t question; Questioning if you even care.
I question the meaning of it all. Though answers don’t seem to exist, I still wonder about the last brief thought that occurred. Was it a memory? It’s sad to think that if anything did happen to you, I would have no choice but to remember you like this… all the time.
Supposed to be seemingly, wonderful appearances we have shared. The times we laughed or couldn’t seem to bare but smile. They are unforgettable. I shall never lose our love, though. it has been buried under all the booze. Do you even still love me?
A feeling of unconditional gratitude and care. Seems to make and break, conquer and defeat, heal and, together, make stronger. (example: a father loves his daughter unconditionally.)
But, these tears.. every single drop.. tears me us in different directions. These tears tear me further away from you. They don’t mean I am upset. They don’t mean I am giving up. These cold, wet, frightful darting tears that pour from my misty eyes, are fulfilled with hope. Hoping only that you will get better. Never questioning my life’s worth to you. Don’t you love me? Why are you still doing this? Don’t you remember how happy you were when I was born? Remember, mommy told me. What about all of our memories? Once they’re lost, so is our love. Our love that we we’re yet so lucky to have gained. You told me that you felt like the luckiest man in the universe. So, everyday, I pray to heaven. I send out this virtue to the highest sky that has found it in his heart to look past our imperfections and help us heal, as a family; That has loved each & every one of us enough to give us this miracle, in which, we can cry … together.
Haydence is a Ventura County high school student. You can find her blog here.